So . . . since last I blogged my family grew by exactly one-third. How many times do you get to say that? Just once, I think. Well, unless we decide to have 5 more kids and then have triplets, but I'd classify that as somewhat less than likely so we won't worry about that for now.
Charlotte was born exactly 2 weeks ago today. She was much more considerate than her sister in that she sent Christy into labor at 6:00 A.M. as opposed to 12:30 A.M., so everyone in the house was at least moderately well-rested. Christy and Charlotte came home that Sunday and we have been busy adjusting to the "new normal" ever since.
They say that with a 2nd child the one thing you're not supposed to do is make comparisons to the first. I say that if you happen to be an actual human, on this planet, occupying this particular plane of reality, it's inevitable.
Here's what's the same. First, no matter how prepared you are, when you hear your wife say "I think my water just broke" it still seems sudden and unexpected. I don't know how many kids you'd have to have before the whole experience of running around and getting ready to leave, getting to and checking into the hospital, and going through the whole labor and delivery process seems routine. It's a lot more than 2 though. Maybe once you get into Duggar territory. It definitely was less hectic and anxiety-inducing than last time, but only incrementally so. Secondly, the moment you see your child for the first time is just as amazing. The phenomenon of seeing someone for the first time but literally in an instant being struck with such an intense feeling of love and a fierce desire to protect them is just as overwhelming the 2nd time as it is the first.
What's different? Well, pretty much everything else. For one thing, there is an expression that "once something is known it cannot be unknown." In other words, in some instances naivety and ignorance are a blessing. Leading up to Anabelle, I knew that it would be a challenge and that there would be sleepless nights but it all just seemed so surreal and mysterious that I really had no solid conception of what our life would be like with a newborn. That is no longer the case with Charlotte. I remember exactly what it felt like to hold a tiny little creature in my hands who screamed at me for 2 hours straight with complete and utter disregard to the 100 things I did to try to placate her and I knew that at some point in the next couple months that was going to happen again, probably multiple times. I also found myself pretty much assuming that all of the difficulties we had with Anabelle would be repeated, while also being convinced that everything that was easy and went well with her will not happen again. And this is not imagined in some vague, hypothetical scenario - now that I have had some real world experience to draw from, I can vividly picture it. I don't mean to indicate that I live in a constant state of mortal terror, just that I no longer have the luxury of being clueless. In reality, so far I'd actually say that Charlotte's habits and temperament have been remarkably similar to Anabelle's.
Then there is the matter of attention to detail. With Anabelle I found myself obsessed with her every move and facial expression. Was she looking at me? Was she trying to grab that toy? Did she see the cat and does she realize what it is? Was that a smile or just gas? I read all my daddy books to find out when to expect the myriad of milestones (rolling over, crawling, etc) and then always silently but consistently marked her progress against the "norms". It is only in hindsight that I realized that it wasn't till somewhere in the 3-6 month range that Anabelle's personality really began to emerge and that, well, that's pretty much the case with all babies. So with Charlotte I just find myself being a lot more patient about this whole process. I realize that right now her body is busy developing, um, pretty much everything, and that what we are mainly seeing at this point are reflex actions. Soon enough all of those reflexes will be replaced by deliberate thoughts and actions and we'll really get to meet her.
From a logistical standpoint, it certainly is crazier with two (and through 2 weeks neither Christy or I have spent more than a couple hours alone with both Anabelle and Charlotte) but somehow there is just something much more clarifying about it. With Anabelle, I find that we got ourselves in trouble a lot easier. By this I mean that we'd get Anabelle to sleep and then we'd both go about doing our normal activities (i.e. watching TV, playing video games, shopping, etc). So then Anabelle would decide to have one of her bad, stay-up-all-night episodes and neither one of us would be in any condition to handle it. Now, with very few exceptions, when Anabelle is asleep (whether it's a nap or for the night) then either Christy or I need to be asleep too. Period. Otherwise we're just setting ourselves up for disaster. We also just completely accepted the fact that until probably the one-month mark we will never be sleeping in our bed at the same time.
Overall, I think that we have been adjusting pretty well. It's certainly more of a challenge with two kids, but it's not twice as hard. By comparison, going from 0 to 1 is the one that's twice as hard.
Or maybe it just means that my wife is doing all the work this time . . .
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