Evil Genius (Part 12)

Chapter 4

The next day, Ivan gathered all of his henchmen into the press briefing room. Just 100 muscle-bound, thick-necked Neanderthals standing shoulder to shoulder in the tiny space. Very few of them spoke; they were excited and more than a little nervous. A gathering like this could only mean very good or very bad news. Very bad news meant anything up to and including all of their deaths. And with very good news, the only benefit might be relief that it wasn’t very bad news.

The small amount of chatter immediately ceased as Doctor Destructo walked regally into the room and up to the podium. He sensed the undertone of anxiety in the room. As usual, he reveled in it. On most days, he would do all he could to heighten this tension and unease, but today did not call for that. Today called for exactly the opposite.

“My loyal servants and, dare I say, friends – thank you for coming here today.”

Now there was a great deal of confusion in the crowd. They had rarely ever been thanked, and had certainly never been called friends.

“I’ve asked you all here today because while we have achieved everything that we sat out to do lo those many years ago, it is now time to embark upon a new era. With your help, I have proven to the whole world that they are powerless against me and that mine is the only will that matters. And in my hands I have taken this world and all that the pathetic masses of peasants hold dear and broken it as if it was nothing more than a twig. This world now lies in ruin.”

Few in the audience would disagree with that. But what was so puzzling was the fact that the Doctor seemed so please about it. Though they would never have dared to say it out loud, the Doctor had seemed increasingly despondent over the world’s slow decay. It seemed as though his plan, at least in as much as he had ever shared it with them, had been to take his place atop the power food chain and preside over the Earth as it was. But had this been the plan all along? To install himself at the seat of power and then destroy it all? Yes, they seemed to all reach the same conclusion almost at once. That had to have been the plan, because why else would the Doctor stand before them now and seem so pleased about it?

“My friends, now that we have forever proven our strength and conviction so that no one could ever doubt either, now is the time to rebuild this world. To make it greater than it ever was; to prove that my power is only exceeded by my intelligence and leadership.”

Now heads were nodding, and some applause broke out. This was good, very good. Only the most perceptive of the bunch bothered to wonder the obvious question: how? But Ivan was just getting warmed up.

“This will not be accomplished overnight, and it will certainly not be easy. But make no mistake that it will happen. Just as my ascension to this position was inevitable, so too is this. I promise that you will all live(4) to see this world rise and stand tall on the wings of my dreams. I have seen the mountaintop, and I promise you that we will get there. Because when the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Now the crowd was really going. Soft murmurs of assent had turned into wild cheering, clapping, hooting, and hollering. If he had asked, right now they would have all gladly gouged their own eyes out for him without a second thought. Such is the persuasive combination of hackneyed clichés, groupthink, and single-digit IQs. Now that Ivan had them, it was time to mobilize them.

“Tonight we will celebrate the grand reopening of the Four Seasons hotel. We will get the basement generator fired up there and tonight we will all sleep in luxurious air conditioning and have a great feast. Furthermore, I want you to send the word out that anyone who has experience in hotel service, be it concierge, maid, cook, or waiter is welcome to come as well. In exchange for a day’s work, they and their families can also sleep in the hotel and share the feast. This is only the beginning. This will be our lives from now on – a life of luxury and comfort. Now go; go forth my friends, and let the Destructofication of the world begin!”

A great roar went up from the crowd as they charged out of the room. Within 30 seconds, it was just Ivan and the podium in the room. He gathered his notes, smiled to the empty room, and began to laugh.

He hated to give credit, but some was definitely due here. That Courtland woman, through all her bile and insolence, had hit upon an inescapable truth. To this point in his life and career as a master criminal he had accomplished everything through intimidation. In fact there was no one more fearsome or intimidating than he. He had built everything upon a foundation which assumed that everyone valued a life, whether it was their own or someone else’s. Therefore he could achieve success by taking or threatening to take that life. But, as much as it pained him to admit it, take away that threat and he was a piss poor motivator. He was all stick and no carrot. But it wasn’t until she had spelled it out for him that he had understood it with such clarity.

So now, through necessity, he would reinvent himself. He would introduce the carrot. He started with a new foundation – that what people now valued was a return to the meaningless and vacuous lives they had led before he had come to power. He could give them that, and in the process restore the luxury and meaning to his own life that he had imagined for himself.

That first night at the Four Seasons had gone well. Very well in fact. Morale was higher than it had been in months. The initial response for hotel staff had been lukewarm. After all, who wants to work for an employer who is a slave-driver, considers you easily replaceable, and will never appreciate or value who you are or anything you do. However, this was quickly overcome once everyone remembered that this pretty much described every boss and company they’d ever worked for, so what was the difference? Within a week the hotel was fully staffed.

Following that, Ivan sent out word that anyone who had worked at the electric company was welcome to stay in the Four Seasons as well if they returned to work immediately. The response was so overwhelming that within 2 days he had to provide another generator and open up the Ritz-Carlton as well. Within two weeks power was restored to the entire city.

Now the domino effect started to work in reverse. Within a month, Ivan had fired up the presses at the U.S. mint and the Destructo dollar was born. Ivan set the first prices for all the major goods. This allowed the rural farming communities to start coming in from the city to trade their surplus crops and meat. Very slowly a sense of normalcy started to return to the area.

Next, Ivan tackled the oil pipelines. Since this was an interstate job he used some of the dwindling fuel supply to fly Air Force One into all the major cities between DC and the Gulf. In each one he used the same model as DC – first giving a small group of people a taste of luxury, then slowly broadening it once some trust was obtained, and finally introducing a supply of the new currency and letting the economy take off on its own power. Within 3 months the entire East coast was living in a manner which, to the outside observer, looked almost indistinguishable from the lifestyle they had lived before the collapse.

Once again, the Doctor held a meeting in the Skull Manor press room. But this time, it was a meeting comprised of the most highly skilled and intelligent lieutenants he had acquired over the previous months. He told them that they’d all be boarding private jets in the coming days and weeks. It was time to bring the plan that had revived Destructopolis(5) to the rest of the country and then the world.

Yes, he definitely had to hand it to Meg Courtland. Bribery was definitely the way to get things done.

(4) - He assumed that it went without saying that he didn’t mean this literally.

(5) - Washington D.C.’s new name