Thursday, May 07, 2009

Just Asking

Can someone explain to me why the movie Catwoman is on AMC? AMC, by the way, stands for American Movie Classics. Or at least it used to. Apparently, although they have not officially changed their name they've taken a page from KFC and just want to now be known ambiguously by their initials. All I know is that the only thing "classic" about that film is that it is a classic example of how to lose all the prestige of winning a Best Actress Oscar as quickly as possible.

Can we get a little consistency in the headlines please? I open up this article and I feel pretty good and then I open this one and I feel like I should run around screaming with my hands waving frantically over my head Godzilla-movie style. So, let me see if I've got this straight: either the swine flu epidemic is almost over or it's on its way to infecting one third of the world's population. That is (ahem) a bit of a large range. Maybe I should do this thing Price Is Right style and bid 2 billion and 1 people infected. Can I get my own article then? My favorite part though is the WHO chief who was quoted as saying "This is a benchmark from the past. Please do not interpret this as a prediction for the future." Judging by the title of the article, it doesn't look like they listened to him. Here's a good investment tip: put money in the pharmaceutical companies that make flu shots.

And finally, what the f*ck is wrong with people? OK, let's make it multiple choice:

When you are getting into a fight over beer pong, are you:

A) Psychotically competitive
B) In desperate need of anger management counseling
C) An irredeemable douchebag
D) All of the above

7 comments:

Becky said...

Why so angry John? Have some tea or something.

Becky said...

Okay, sorry, just clicked on the links... was reading at work earlier and had pasted text only into a Word document.

Okay, that is horrifying about the beer pong fight.

The 2nd article about swine flu says 1/3 of the population could be infected, but that only a small portion of those people would become very sick. Developing countries and people with weakened immune systems would be hardest hit... so places in Africa with high numbers of citizens living with AIDS.. that could be very bad. You, from your perspectve, though, you're probably fine.

john said...

Yes, it was supposed to come off as semi-comic anger (a la Lewis Black), not actual white-knuckle, in a rocking chair, stroking my gun kind of anger.

I'm not actually worried about swine flu, though I do think it's going to die out now for the summer and then be a much bigger deal this winter. Still, there's at least 1000 other ways that people in this country are more likely to die.

sloth15 said...

I've been enjoying this flutracker map.Also, I was listening to a BBC podcast yesterday and they were interviewing someone who said that many infected people don't EVER develop symptoms. That is both scary (because it is easily spreadable) and reassuring (because it is mild.)

Then again, I was listening to another podcast with a guy from France and a guy and a chick from England, and all three said the flu was the only topic of conversation for a week.

And that beer pong game was Darwinism at its best.
It is a good thing that guy had a legal right to own that gun.
/s

sloth15 said...

Liberal states are the least free?

Mike will like this.I have no idea what the website is, or if it is reliable, or the slant, but it was fun to read, if the only issues you care about are government spending, guns, and pot.

Becky said...

Weir, I seriously didn't click on your link for quite a while because I was like, "FLUT racker? What's a flut racker? Must be some sort of political thing."

john said...

I tell ya, all these golf-swingin, cotton-pluckin' flut-rackers are ruining America!!!

Actually I did the same thing too but I clicked on the link quickly and the mystery was solved . . .